Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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