I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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