i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
