Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
