i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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