After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
