I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
do herpes really smell.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
