Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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