We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
