I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what day is it and did you see me today?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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