Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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