Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
