32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
