love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
