I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
