no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
