Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
