Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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