I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize