I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize