I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
