last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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