We won't sleep together?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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