I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
