Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
