got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
