I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
