OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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