She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
