How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am midnight drunk by noon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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