I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize