Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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