It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
