How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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