I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
