I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
