hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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