Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
