there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
