11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
