They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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