the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
