He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
