I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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