come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
