I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
