I think my vagina is haunted
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize