my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
