My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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