fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
