You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
