just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
