can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
