I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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