The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
