did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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