So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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