its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
