sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
