a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
