btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
