Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
