Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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