hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
