Swine flu. Run for my life!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
