Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Welp...herpes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize