is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sober January is a disaster.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
