He asked to "fluff my boner.."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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