return my video game
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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