If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
