So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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