"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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