Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
